Sex in the City

Today is the first day the movie Sex in the City is showing in the theaters. My girlfriends who I haven't seen for such a long time after my mothers death are getting together to see the movie. Anyways, I was excited to go I told my husband a week early about it because he usually wants me to plan ahead and tell him. So, everything I did was right to go hang out actually just watch a movie with my friends. It happens that his parents are going to be out of town and he doesn't/or "can't" watch them by himself because he'll be itching. Itching coz he can't control his eczema. Anyways, if he really wanted me to go he'll just try his best to take care of the kids. I wanted to make sure it's ok with him for me to go out. But, he gave me all the crap and I felt guilty going to see my friends and the movie. He said I better hurry my ass up. I said why? He said well, " I can't feed him" the baby. Actually our son is already a year and a half. He's still breastfeeding but he only does it to stay calm or want to go to sleep. I think he can handle him but he doesn't even wanna try. So, I'm not interested in going out anymore. I just lost my motivation to go out and be with my peers. I've been home forever and finally I want to do something for myself for my own good. I'm now depressed again. I just want to have a little time for myself. Now, I'm just recalling everything he said to me. All the hurtful things. One time when he was mad at me because well, I admit I'm sometimes I'm absent minded.  I told him I am because of him! He puts me down and treats me like a soldier. When he wants something done it has to be done right away. For example, everytime when we're going someplace, when he says "let's go" we the kids and I has to be ready or else he'll be screaming on top of his lungs. He treats us like soldiers "Hurry, hurry, hurry up! lets go". I can't focus straight or think right because his always on my ass. He puts my self esteem down and one time I told him he's putting me really low to the floor. He said "yeah, u should stay there". When I heard that I can't even look at him anymore. What the hell is making me stay? this is stupid.. I never thought I would be in this position. I never think that I would be in this type of mess. I'm not this person. I've never been treated like this in my life. Even when I was younger, no one ever treated me so low before. I don't wanna be with him and I really think he doesn't even care. If we didn't have kids, I'm so out of the door!  I know in the next following days. Everything would be just be ok, not fine. This sucks coz I don't deserve this treatment. No one does! 

This is why I wanna be free from him!

Ok... so I decided to blog my very personal issues with my husband. Reason is that I don't really wanna talk about it with anyone I know. I'm keeping everything bottled up and I don't think it is healthy. My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years now, and it's been rocky ever since then. I've been feeling more and more sad about how things are going and it's not a seven year itch thing. I've actually felt like this since first year of marriage because that's when started verbally abusing me. He would call me a "bitch" or an "idiot" when we have our quarrels. It's normal for couples to argue but not to an extent when you disrespect each other with foul language and words that you wouldn't want your love one to say to you. When we argue he yells and screams at me on top of his lungs and says the nastiest things. Last week we got into our one of our arguments. He brings out irrelevant things all the time... He told me that I glamorize that my mother will babysit our kids when she gets here. I can't believe that he even brought that up because my mother just passed away 6 months ago. Yes, I told him that my mother will finally come here in the states and hopefully babysit our kids. I wasn't aware that her health was deteriorating because of her kidney failure. I haven't seen her for many many years. When she finally got here, she didn't look like she can even hold a child. Our daughter was 5 yrs. old and  baby boy was due at that time when she migrated here. And so, he was disappointed that my mother wouldn't be able to watch our kids while we both work. I became a stay at home mom to take care of the kids because it'll more practical for us. I told him,.. geez why do you even bring that up? she's already dead! He has no idea that I'm still grieving over my mother's death. That's just one of the hurtful things he comes up with when he's angry. He gets angry over the littlest things... to be continued. Comments are welcome.